"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
