accomplished twins. life is a go
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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