just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
