He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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