so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You can't special order awesome
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
