Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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