So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
