So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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