Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
