I cannot find my penis.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just found puke in my bra..
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
