also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
