i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
