I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
