when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
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Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
we're so committed to being not committed
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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