Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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