On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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