In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
