i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
