Having a random hookup so left but love u
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
