Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
