Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
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oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
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She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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