im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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