Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
