im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
