yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
