I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
