i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
