I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
her vagine was all disorganized.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
