This is not my ceiling
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
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His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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