i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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