How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
