His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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