You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
