so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
