ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
