6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
