So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
