I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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