margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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