I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
