Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize