either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
