i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
