He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
