Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
