Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
