My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
