I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
