I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
