but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
