My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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