My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
