i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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