I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
