TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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