I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
