there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
