My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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